I'm so glad we had such a great turn-out for our meeting on Friday. The Moms Panel is always really helpful and this year was no exception. Buckle up ladies, this is going to be a long post.
. . .
Shannon
Schlachter, Stacy Johnson and Christina
Moreland were our panelists this year. Between the three of them, they have over 100 years of parenting experience (that may be an exaggeration).
Two words of wisdom from our esteemed panel were thus:
1. Never forget an anniversary and,
2. Let your children fail.
As the wife of someone who HAS forgotten an anniversary, I think this is very true. Even if there's no celebration, do SOMETHING. If you get a chance, ask Addie
Delahoussaye (admit it, you're impressed that I know how to spell her last name) what she and her husband do for their anniversary every year. It's pretty cool.
As for the second piece of advice - I know this is hard. I don't want my kid to ever struggle with anything. I want her to be good at writing and reading and eating with a fork. I want her to be GOOD at everything, and I don't want her to ever feel the frustration of not getting something right the first time. But I know that's just silly. As someone who didn't have any major struggles with school, or making friends (or eating with a fork), I found myself lost when I couldn't find a job and the person with whom I spent most of my time pooped standing up in the corner.
Needless to say, I didn't handle it well.
But I've learned
perseverance, patience, and another word that starts with P that I can't think of right now. It's important to learn how to fail, and even more important to learn how to pick yourself up after.
. . .
One of the first things we talked about was when we should stop taking
responsibility for everything our kids need to take to school. Everyone agreed that teachers really help parents make that decision. Some 1st grade teachers require students to hand in their folders themselves. We can help ease that transition by handing folders to our kids, who then will hand it to teachers. It was also mentioned that by second grade, kids are given a lot more responsibility. Encourage them to take
responsibility for their homework. They're told that they're in charge or getting forms signed, homework finished, etc, so hold them to the teacher's standards.
. . .
Scheduling was another topic that was brought up. How many activities are too many? In addition, how do you stay organized?
Christina said that in first grade, her kids get to pick 1 activity. In second grade, they get two. Shannon suggested that having her husband coach her son's baseball team helps them keep the number of practices down. She also insisted that you only volunteer for things that involve your kids. Christina mentioned that carpooling makes everything easier.
I think this is very dependent on your family. We only have one kid, so Claire could go to more
activities than a family with 16 kids. It also depends on the timing of the activity. If soccer practice starts at 6, but it's important that your family sits down to eat together every night, soccer might not be the best sport for your family.
Look at the start times of all the things your kids want to do. Don't be afraid to tell them no. And don't hesitate to talk to coaches if they're
insistent on practicing 5 times a week. These kids aren't in the majors. They're just having a good time.
That being said, I think extra-curricular
activities are SO important for kids. Growing up, we were expected to do SOMETHING after school. It almost didn't matter what it was. You know, as long as it wasn't taking Dealing Drugs 101 or pole dancing lessons or something.
. . .
Having a three-year old is hard enough. Dealing with one who says "No" to everything is cause for a raise. So how do you handle a three year-old who refuses to agree with anything?
My new favorite quote? "God grant me the peace to deal with my blessings." Listen, I'm the first to tell you that kids kinda suck. They want things, SO BAD, but they can't articulate what they want. Everything is unfair and grounds for tears. Sometimes, you just can't convince them that playing with knives is unsafe. This is, obviously, a time where
it's NOT a good time to "Let them fail" because you might end up with "Let them learn how it feels to get stitches."
However, if you're faced with a non-life threatening situation, have fun with it.
I refuse to take my kid too seriously. She's three. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Kids have short memories (thank goodness), and I can usually get Claire out of a tantrum by just changing the subject. Sure, she's confused for a second, but now she sees how I feel when I hear her talk about how how much milk she should be allowed to have now that she's awake and don't you think it's a great idea to give her an apple and wouldn't it be so much fun to go to the Stomping Grounds since she had four noodles because she could totally get another noodle if she puts her shoes in the shoe basket and did you hear about the time that Jane-Jane SQUIRREL.
I've heard that God gives us the kids we need to have. I think I got hosed since I'm convinced God
gave me the kid
JR's supposed to have and I'm the one dealing with it most of the time, but whatever. The point of all that is to have fun with your kids. Soon they're not going to want anything to do with you. Enjoy them now.
In related news, someone asked what to do with time-outs don't work. Claire was in time-out for most of last year. But, I used to tell her she was allowed out of Time-Out when she could figure out how to do whatever it was that she was supposed to do. There wasn't a set time for this. In fact, one day she sat in Time-Out for 4 (that's FOUR) hours until she could figure out how to say she was sorry for hitting me. I read an entire book while she was sitting in the corner. To say it was ridiculous is a massive understatement. She hated it, I hated it, but she finally said she was sorry.
For older kids, it was suggested to ask them what's important for them to lose. If they're favorite thing is to play outside, that's the punishment. No playing outside if they get in trouble. Take away TV, desert, electronics. Just remember that you have to be the one to enforce it. So, if the only way you can cook dinner without "help" is if the kids watch Phineas and
Ferb for half an hour, think long and hard about using television as a punishment.
. . .
So how do you keep your kids from getting frustrated with they don't get something right the first time?
A lot of people suggested extra work, after homework. Make it a game, and encourage kids to come up with things they can do to improve. They'll be more receptive if they think the extra practice is their idea. I've found the same works for husbands.
Most importantly, be an advocate for your kids. If there's a problem with a teacher, talk to him or her. However, don't assume your kid is right. Listen to their teacher and work together to find a solution.
. . .
A few of the books mentioned during the meeting were:
The 5 Love Languages and
The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman
Strength Finder by Tom
Rath. . .
I hope everyone got as much out of the
panel as I did. Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments!
See you Friday!
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